Monasteriense
by Weehoo107
Summary: The world is cruel to Sasuke. But he will not shed tears. not ItaxSasu


Ha! Guess what ya'll! I'm back with a really weird angsty... Sasuke story....

:)

I don't really know why I wrote this up, just needed to vent out some emotions. I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors.

**Don't own Naruto, bitches.**

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Oh, how everything was falling apart.

Slowly, at first. The threads of his mind began unweaving long ago, but regretfully, they remained intact, prolonging his frightfully disturbed mind from collapsing. Year after year, day after day, minute after _fucking _minute his thoughts twisted, turned, changed from innocence and clarity to something so _troubling, _so _tainted._ Did he know? Oh yes, of course he knew. Hadn't his teammates and masters told him so? They had recognized the marked change in him. So why not he?

He chose to ignore it, toss it aside, throw the lifesaver away. Just like a child chooses to ignore his mother's warning. "Look both ways across the street, sweetie, there are reckless _(dangerous)_ people out there." What do you think happened to that child? _/lost/gone/forever/_

Falling, falling apart.

The strings of his fragile mind were loosened from the end of his childhood (which had ended far to soon) and waiting, just _waiting _to be pulled from their bonds, to be released from their amalgamate state. _(and soon they would be.) _

It began with his reappearance.

Itachi had always been the best; never publicly erred in his holy-then-thou ways, always had the proper etiquette and conduct around his elders and superiors, impartial and passive. Handsome, graceful and talented were the words that best described Uchiha Itachi. A cold, calculating mind under a warm face.

Sasuke was always second best, or lower. Hiding in his big brother's shadow, no matter what feat he accomplished, no matter how hard he tried. It wasn't his fault; he was second, Itachi was first. This was how things worked, the boy realized as his mind grew in knowledge and understanding. Itachi came first in everything, be it education, training, clan matters and possibly even parental love. Sasuke always watched Itachi from behind. _/snap/_

That was how innocent Sasuke remembered him. How he wished he never knew him at all.

Chaotic, demented. Ruthless and merciless. Those were the memories of him now, blocking out all other recollections of the kind facade Itachi. But those were the days of his youth, when he was foolish and pathetic... he wasn't like that anymore _(was he?)._

Seeing him again. _/snap/break/pull/tear/ _

Hearing him speak. _/break/twist/tug/rip/ _

That was the beginning.

How his mind was restless those months after! How he longed to plunge a weapon (any sharp object would do) into the breast of that monster, that abomination he was ashamed to call 'brother.' he had made a commitment; and he intended to fulfill it.

That being said, he ripped a few more strands (of sanity) and left the one place (home) that could fix him. _/snap/tear/_

The intermediary was Orochimaru.

In the beginning, Sasuke did not like the old man; he was too power hungry and delusional, too mortal. After all, it is mortal to want immortality, is it not?

The first year Sasuke passed unscathed and untouched. It sickened him when his 'master's' eyes lingered on his form to long, or when his hand rested just two seconds more then necessary on his own. It disgusted and (though he would never admit it) frightened Sasuke in ways he had never experienced before, ways he most certainly did _not _want to experience.

The second year, Sasuke decided he hated Orochimaru.

He was stronger now. Soon, he would be very nearly invincible (no one is unconquerable). But Orochimaru was standing blatantly in his way, the last interference on the path to his brother. _(I'm coming brother, don't worry, I'm coming.)_

Every night he would enter Sasuke's room and demand cooperation. Every night Sasuke would hand his body over to another man, letting himself be used and filled by his 'master.' Every night, even after hours of sweat, he would endure his filthy touches, his hands that roamed free over his pale body, the lips that pressed against hot, flushed skin. Every. Single. Night.

_/rip/tear/twist/cut/_

Ah, he was loose now, some strands flowing freely and some leaving the weave completely, those same threads never to be recaptured, never retrieved. The point was close, the edge of the cliff near; and it was time.

He left Orochimaru feeling nothing but cold indifference.

The destruction was Itachi himself.

Years of hate and sworn vengeance, hours upon hours of training and pain, all leading up to this moment, this sole objective. As Sasuke took his brother's life, he _felt_ more then he had when he left Naruto, more then when he finished Orochimaru; yes, Sasuke had achieved what he had set out to do, and now that it was done, he was fulfilled _(Had no purpose)_.

It occurred to him that he had felt more emotion in the quick moments when he killed Itachi then he had in the last two years. _My God, _he thought, _I have become something I cannot recognize. _

It alarmed and thrilled him at the same time.

_/cut/rip/tear/ _

He was so close, so close to completely and wholly becoming undone. The strings were unwinding, ripping, shredding themselves down until soon, there would be nothing left. He was past the point now, far away in a different void, unable to reconnect with reality and truth and anything good (that he knew of.)

He had killed his brother. _God. _(Do you understand that?) _/rip/tear/__**rip/ **_

_He had **killed **his **brother. **_

(He had been the monster all along.)

It was done. All the threads were gone. Lost in the darkness, never to be reclaimed. He had murdered his brother in cold blood and would never, _ever _come to forgive himself. He who had loved him and protected him with all his strength, mind, and love, and now, and now...

_(Konoha.) _

The world is cruel for Sasuke. But he will not shed tears.

He is already dead.

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Feedback would be appreciated :)

_**~Weehoo107**_


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